Oil Your Legs, and Warm Up Your Spinnerets.
I spin these webs for myself so I have a cushion to land on.But one wrong move and half my spindled pillow is falling.
I want to get inside their heads.
I want to do somethings over again.
So I could do them better.
Or not do them at all.
The thing I don’t want
is chasing after me like a cat.
I’m a mouse.
The thing I don’t mind.
Is keeping it that way.
But I always live like a bitter coffee.
The thing I thought I wanted,
I perhaps ruined.
And the thing I thought I was done with.
I ache for.
It clings to me.
Like a precious childhood memory.
That curse!
I want it to all work out now…
I feel like nothing is going right.
But for all I know I’m just complaining.
And I’m being too insecure to realize the truth.
My judgement is altered.
And I wish I could act on it.
People think circumstances affect judgement
and judgement affects action.
But it’s not true.
Judgement, once cultivated by upbringing,
is birthed by desire
and circumstances either prevent or inspire
actions to take place.
I try to surround myself
but the padding is magnets.
I’m north.
They’re all south.
And they rebound off me.
And escape to a secluded space
that I have no way of getting to.
And this all reminds me of summer…
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