I Hide Nothing and Everything

I don’t want him to win.
I hope he never knows,
I hope he never sees,
How my actions are killing me.
Why do I live in a swamp of regret?
I can pretend it’s not bugging me
but I can feel it pulling me
choking me
suffocating me
as I am dragged into the murk of this bog.

I hope he doesn’t know,
I hope he doesn’t see,
How his presence alone kills my soul.
Why do I keep coming back to this?
So much time has passed.
The time of torture.
My heart can’t take more undivided pain.
Even though life has changed,
I have not.
I’m still the same.

I hope he didn’t know.
I hope he didn’t see.
How deep his careless words struck.
I could convince myself it’s nothing
but something simmers
at the bottom of my wounded spirit.
I can’t deny it.
There’s no way to hide it.

I want him to know.
I want him to see.
I want him to care.
I want him to love me.
He won. My goodness, that wretched boy won.

Poem by SpiceChicka

Comments