Will I
In the midst of my silent reverie,Thoughts of you are overcoming me
Your voice, Your laugh, your touch, your scent
Forbidden memories; my heart is spent
I don't know what I'm going to do
The moment you see me, the second I see you
Everything I feared until this point,
Will it paralyze me here? Will it lock every joint?
Or will I become someone entirely new,
Believing in something I know can't be true?
Will I fall to my knees in tears of rejoice,
All the while knowing I've made the wrong choice?
Will I cry out in pain, and crumple to the floor
Broken and knowing I can't take any more
After all that has happened, the betrayal, the lies
I know that be with you, a part of me dies.
I loved you so much, I still love you now
Though to try to see reason in it, I know not how.
I'm broken and torn, at war with my heart
My mind is screaming "STOP" but I don't know how to start
Knowing what is wrong, but doing what feels right,
Walking in loving arms of dark, ignoring all the light
Screamed at, shrieks, "You know it's wrong"
But ignoring them, because I've waited so long
Over and over, I've gotten you back
And over and over, placed you back on the rack
Knowing logically you were too good for me
Not accepting I'd never be who you need me to be
I could never keep you mine for quite long enough,
Even though you stayed with me when patches got rough
Taking what I got, risking asking for more
Knowing that picking up the pieces of my heart was a chore
"Stupid, Stupid" I scream to myself
Even so, I reach up, and take my heart off the shelf
Dusting it off, the glittering clay,
I hand it to you and hope it lasts for one more day
And as you reach to kiss me, though I know you probably won't,
I know that I won't stop you, don't have the strength to whisper "don't"
Lips will touch and sparks will fly,
And I'll be left still wondering why
Once more I'll watch you walk away
With all the words I was brave enough to say
I'll throw my heart down in my wrath,
And barely even realize that I threw it in your path
An unseen heart, a cold white stone
A foot comes down, my broken moan
A soft little crush, your own suprised hush
The last thing my heart heard before it crumbled to dust.
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