I Hate

I hate that you’re so cold and impenetrable
I hate how you’re so dialed
I hate how everyone loves you
And that I’m no different

I hate that I can’t figure you out no matter what I do
And I hate that I can’t get close to you because you won’t let me

I hate the effect you have on me
Those goddamned eyes of yours that strip me naked and see right through me
That enigmatic smile that makes my insides tremble
The magnetism that makes me want to stay in your arms forever

I hate how when you’re online I instantly sit up straighter
And I hate the way my heart skips a beat when my cell phone rings, hoping it’s you
I can’t stand the way I can’t even breathe right when you’re coming over
And how I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown when you call to let me know you’re outside the gate

I hate how my heart beats faster when anything you-related comes up
And I hate how I smile like an idiot when I think of you
(Way too often, might I add)
I hate the loneliness that reverberates through my very core at night when you’re not with me
I hate the stranglehold you have over my thoughts
I despise the longing you provoke in my body
I loathe the way I writhe in pain as my unhappiness washes over me

But most of all I hate that I want you so much
Because I’ve known from the beginning that I can’t have you

Poem by glittersmile

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