Lonely
When nothing’s right,when no one’s cares,
I look to my family.
Not the family you would think.
The family within all of that...
The ones who really do care.
My closest friends...
my sisters,
brothers,
other moms,
other dads,
aunts, and uncles.
The ones who have shown me the way,
when times were tough,
and no one listened.
They care for me about as much as a real family would,
but in a different way.
They listen.
They speak.
They guide.
And ask for nothing in return,
except that I do the same.
As the years go by I go to them.
Not my blood family,
my real family.
I learn many things.
But the closer we get,
the more vulnerable I become.
I begin to shut my blood family out.
They are baffled.
You were once so happy and you wanted to be with us,
they would say.
Sit alone at night and wonder...
What did we do wrong?
I get so dark and lonely.
Nothing can help.
Not my friends,
family,
or my other family.
No one can help me.
I’ve seen so much,
yet so little.
I’ve learned so much,
but I know so little.
The one thing I know is that nothing is what it seems.
My family,
they abandoned me.
My friends,
they’re dead.
My other family,
they’re far away.
All that’s left of those times,
is the pain and sorrow
of the memories.
The forgotten remnants of what used to be.
As I lie here...
I think about how things could have been different.
If I had only listened,
only cared,
to what I had been told.
I could have lived.
I could have helped so many,
but I chose not to.
I chose to shut everyone out.
I chose to die.
No one cares.
No one will know.
But I will,
for I am the little boy down the street.
The one who had everything,
but appreciated nothing.
Now, at the time of my death,
I appreciate everything,
but have nothing.
So for a moment I am that little boy again,
wide eyed and innocent,
with everything to gain,
nothing to loose.
As I prepare for that eternal ride,
I see the world for what it really is,
A dream within a dream.
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